Be Patient

Today I feel like David when he looked to the heavens and screamed "How long Oh lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?" (Psalm 13). Today I am shaking my fist, enraged that my life is not different or easier. I am indignant that my husband and I struggle within the confines of a debilitating chronic illness, while other newly married couples go to parties, movies, and weekend getaways. I am jealous and I am mad because an expectation I had is not being met. The sermon at church this week centered around unmet expectations and being patient. I am trying to be patient and remind myself that God will show himself in the midst of our distress. We are looking for him, believe me, we are looking. I am comforted to know that the same David that penned the tormented words in Psalm 13 also wrote in Psalm 40 "I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of he mud and mire."
Clay's migraines have been elevated for the past week because we think he has the flu or some virus. Please pray for healing from the virus, continued healing from the migraines, and a renewed sense of strength. I am struggling as well with being tired and frustrated with the continual sickness. I know he is as well. I long for pain free days in which we can be carefree and unburdened. I long to have back the days of our courtship and beginning of our marriage that this illness robbed from us. I hope to have a "second honeymoon", to look back upon this time as a stepping stone. Someone once told me that his migraines were not a life sentence. Some days it feels that way. Someone else also told me we'd look back on these days and say "remember when you had headaches all the time?" Oh that those days of reminiscing would be swift in coming. Oh that the Lord would be swift to come. Come Lord come. We can hardly wait. Haven't we been patient enough?