I thought I'd give an update since my last blog depicted a flustered and frustrated persona. We are doing well. Although he is not completely free of pain, it is still at a diminished level, and we are happy and grateful to be in this place. We have had so much fun together this past week. Being able to go out to dinner, watch a movie, or just clown around together has brought me such joy. When you don't have the ability to do anything together, you really appreciate the small things when they are given to you.
Clay has been able to get off the recliner and start living his life! yea! And we hope it stays that way. It has been fun for me to see him up and about happy and carefree. Many people have commented that he looks taller and I believe it's because he stands with more confidence. We walked, yes walked!, to the mall the other night and went out to dinner for the first time in a LONG time. Just to be able to walk somewhere with my husband is so much fun; I can't even describe it well. We did yoga together this week, cleaned the house together (Clay's favorite), and were able to get out and go hang out with friends. I am beyond thankful.
I am now learning through this process that I have a problem with contentment, or lack of it. For so long I thought that if only Clay would get better then I could relax and just enjoy life. Well now he is better and I can feel my heart gearing up to long for and anticipate the next step. I am realizing that even in the darkest of nights there is contentment to be found, and it is not in the expectation of the outcome. The contentment is found in simply being in the Lord, resting in Him and his promises. So I am working further on letting go. Everyday I let go of the fear that Clay will wake up with a headache, and refocus on the Lord. Everyday I let go of the fear that something new and harder will happen. It seems that almost every hour I have to remind myself of Jesus' words "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" I can chose to cower before life ahead of me in fear and worry, or I can surrender to the sovereignty of God. Most of my life is played out through petty fears. Today I chose to surrender, to let go of the things I can not control. Why is this such a hard task?!
If anything, I feel I have a new perspective in regards to the fragility and frailty of life. There are no guarantees for Jesus also said "in this life you will have trouble, but take heart I have overcome the world." I suppose I am taking heart at the moment because I feel as if Jesus has shown us through this experience a small picture of what he is continually accomplishing in the big picture of the world, as he makes all things new. Perhaps I am never content here because I am always longing for heaven.
ok, enough of my philosophical wondering. Good news is that I believe I will be able to move to the day shift by the week of May 16th!! WOO HOO!!! I'm so happy to be awake during the day!!!
sarah
Monday, February 25, 2008
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Back In Nashville
We are back at home and I love the warmth! I do not love that Clay woke up this morning with congestion and a migraine. I am trying not to freak out, but I can't help but wonder if it has something to do with our condo because he has felt that his headaches are worse when he is at home. I also googled the best places to live with migraines and it just so happens that Nashville is listed as one of the top 10 WORST places to live with migraines, AND out of the 10 places list there were 4 from Tennessee. WONDERFUL!! ARRRGGG
Please pray today that Clay would be successful in aborting this migraine. We knew that he would not be migraine free forever, but were worried that he might get one coming back to our condo. My first line of defense is to have our house cleaned really really well, but our complex is old and who knows what lurks in the condos around us. Please pray that I would not get ahead of myself in feeling like we need to move TODAY. I've been praying that the Lord would lead us in the right direction. Maybe we need to move to a newer apartment? Who knows.
trying to let go and trust
sarah
Please pray today that Clay would be successful in aborting this migraine. We knew that he would not be migraine free forever, but were worried that he might get one coming back to our condo. My first line of defense is to have our house cleaned really really well, but our complex is old and who knows what lurks in the condos around us. Please pray that I would not get ahead of myself in feeling like we need to move TODAY. I've been praying that the Lord would lead us in the right direction. Maybe we need to move to a newer apartment? Who knows.
trying to let go and trust
sarah
Saturday, February 16, 2008
He's Out!
I went to the hospital this morning to find Clay up and about, smiling! His headache level this morning was a 1!!! yipee :) He was discharged today sometime around 1000. we have a maintenance plan to take home with which we hope to manage the headaches better. we also have a better understanding of his disease and feel more confident about being able to cope with it and not let it get as bad as it was. I think he will still have headaches and probably have another bout where we will need to come back to Chicago because that seems to be the long term case for most migraine sufferers like Clay. He is different somehow...more confident and happy. We both feel as if this trip up here was what we needed. The Lord really brought everything into perspective and helped us both to realize that this is something we will have to learn to live with but does not have to control us. I feel that we found the answer we were looking for. There is not an underlying cause to Clay's headaches; he simply has a vascular disease Chronic Migraine without aura. It is more severe than most people might have it, but it is good to know there are others who have walked the path we are on and are walking it now without excruciating pain. We will have to make lifestyle changes, but they will be good. The changes are all things we have integrated into our lives somewhat, but now we are understanding they will be daily things we do, not just something we do for a season to get back to "normal". Some of the changes include diet and exercise and a quieter, less busy lifestyle. Clay will probably have to change jobs, but he is ok with that. I just like to see him up and about walking around with some spunk in his step. I will confess that I am nervous about coming home and getting back to life so to speak, but am just trying to take it day by day and trust that the Lord is with us. I feel like we have a new beginning and am excited for less stressful days. Thank you so much to everyone who has been so diligent to pray for us and walk through this with us. We know we would not be where we are today without everyone's support.
We plan to come home monday night. Clay didn't want to rush home right after being in the hospital for 10 days, nor did I. He also wanted to be in town on Monday in case he needed to go back to the clinic for something. Hopefully we wont have to. We have a follow up appointment in March with his doctor up here, and will be seeing his neurologist at home to help regulate his medications. He is going home taking 4 pills a day and wearing a patch...big change from 35 pills a day! He has new medications to take when he feels like his headache is getting worse and we know better how to take those meds to get the full benefit. There is also an 800 number we can call if we have any questions, so that is encouraging. I'm glad that we came. It was obviously the next right step for us.
It will be new for me to not worry so much about Clay's head, but it will be a good thing! My work is to continue to let go of him to the Lord and not worry constantly about his head. Pray that we will be able to take home our new mindsets because it will be easy to fall right back into the same mindsets and patterns we had in Nashville. I'm sure there will be setbacks as no one is perfect and life is so unpredictable, but for now it feels like our three year crisis is over. Pray that it stays that way!
love sarah
We plan to come home monday night. Clay didn't want to rush home right after being in the hospital for 10 days, nor did I. He also wanted to be in town on Monday in case he needed to go back to the clinic for something. Hopefully we wont have to. We have a follow up appointment in March with his doctor up here, and will be seeing his neurologist at home to help regulate his medications. He is going home taking 4 pills a day and wearing a patch...big change from 35 pills a day! He has new medications to take when he feels like his headache is getting worse and we know better how to take those meds to get the full benefit. There is also an 800 number we can call if we have any questions, so that is encouraging. I'm glad that we came. It was obviously the next right step for us.
It will be new for me to not worry so much about Clay's head, but it will be a good thing! My work is to continue to let go of him to the Lord and not worry constantly about his head. Pray that we will be able to take home our new mindsets because it will be easy to fall right back into the same mindsets and patterns we had in Nashville. I'm sure there will be setbacks as no one is perfect and life is so unpredictable, but for now it feels like our three year crisis is over. Pray that it stays that way!
love sarah
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Happy Birthday to Clay
What a way to turn 26...with a raging migraine, holed up in the hospital. But we did it up with class! Clay's mom and I decorated his room today while he was in his Biofeedback appointment. We bombarded him with silly string and confetti when he returned to his room. He was very much surprised, but is starting to catch on to my schemes to either jump out and surprise him or scare him any chance I get so my days of catching him off guard are dwindling. We found a ridiculous balloon that sang happy birthday every time we touched it. We heard it so many times that I am still singing it in my head as I type. Once I figure out how to put pictures on here I will upload some. We got a good one of the birthday boy with his birthday pin and birthday prince crown on. He wore them for less than a second and quickly took them off. Apparently Clay is not one to show off. If I ever received a birthday princess crown, I'd definitely wear it for EVERYONE to see. :) Clay's sister Alison came in today so that was an extra treat. We had headache friendly cake (no chocolate) and a headache friendly dinner (no tyramine). I decorated his IV pole, but he wouldn't take it out of his room. :) I was proud of the fact that by the end of the day confetti had made its way halfway to the nurses station. The housekeeping people are going to LOVE me.
I am happy to report that today was the best head day we've had. Today he made it down to a 6! WOOHOO I just might pee my pants the day I hear his head is under a 5. We did talk to a woman today named Ramona who has had migraines for 20 years and has been hospitalized here on the Diamond Headache unit 5 different times. She said the first time she came, she didn't believe that the doctors would be able to "break" her migraine but after the 10th day it finally gave in and she had relief for the first time. That really gave me hope because I still fear that his migraine will not "break". Please pray that it does!!
We went to some neat classes that they offer here to help the headache sufferers. Today we went to a class on pain and medication dependence which was very informational and very helpful for us to understand why the doctors prescribe the medications that they are using (and why they don't load people up with narcotics). We also went to a class for alternative methods for migraine control and learned much on meditation, guided imagery, and guided relaxation. Clay does really well in his biofeedback sessions, which are guided relaxation sessions where he is hooked up to a monitor so he can visually see a change when he is able to relax certain parts of his body. Part of biofeedback is to learn how to have control over your vasculature by mentally increasing the temperature of your hands. The doctor puts a sensor on your fingers to let you know whether or not you are able to change your body temp with your mind. Yea for Clay because he was able to raise the temperature of his hands 4 degrees today! I guess the theory is that perhaps he can control the vessels in his brain that are irritating the nerves and creating his constant headache pain. I hope all of that makes sense.
This whole trip has proved to be very helpful and encouraging in many ways. I feel the Lord's hand here very distinctly and am so grateful for the many prayers that I know we have been covered by, so thank you very much. I was reading in Luke the other day and read the parable about the persistent widow and felt encouraged to keep praying and not give up because of how gracious our Father is with his children. Thank you for being persistent in prayer for us. I am in awe at how the body of Christ has truly gathered around us like a hedge of protection, interceding for us while we are being healed, rebuilt and renewed. Thank you
love sarah
I am happy to report that today was the best head day we've had. Today he made it down to a 6! WOOHOO I just might pee my pants the day I hear his head is under a 5. We did talk to a woman today named Ramona who has had migraines for 20 years and has been hospitalized here on the Diamond Headache unit 5 different times. She said the first time she came, she didn't believe that the doctors would be able to "break" her migraine but after the 10th day it finally gave in and she had relief for the first time. That really gave me hope because I still fear that his migraine will not "break". Please pray that it does!!
We went to some neat classes that they offer here to help the headache sufferers. Today we went to a class on pain and medication dependence which was very informational and very helpful for us to understand why the doctors prescribe the medications that they are using (and why they don't load people up with narcotics). We also went to a class for alternative methods for migraine control and learned much on meditation, guided imagery, and guided relaxation. Clay does really well in his biofeedback sessions, which are guided relaxation sessions where he is hooked up to a monitor so he can visually see a change when he is able to relax certain parts of his body. Part of biofeedback is to learn how to have control over your vasculature by mentally increasing the temperature of your hands. The doctor puts a sensor on your fingers to let you know whether or not you are able to change your body temp with your mind. Yea for Clay because he was able to raise the temperature of his hands 4 degrees today! I guess the theory is that perhaps he can control the vessels in his brain that are irritating the nerves and creating his constant headache pain. I hope all of that makes sense.
This whole trip has proved to be very helpful and encouraging in many ways. I feel the Lord's hand here very distinctly and am so grateful for the many prayers that I know we have been covered by, so thank you very much. I was reading in Luke the other day and read the parable about the persistent widow and felt encouraged to keep praying and not give up because of how gracious our Father is with his children. Thank you for being persistent in prayer for us. I am in awe at how the body of Christ has truly gathered around us like a hedge of protection, interceding for us while we are being healed, rebuilt and renewed. Thank you
love sarah
Monday, February 11, 2008
Sorry It has been a couple of days. Not much happens at the hospital on the weekends. Clay has been receiving a medication called DHE through his IV. He received 9 doses of it over the past 2 and a half days. It is supposed to help break the migraine cycle. His headache has not dipped below a level 7 on the pain scale 0-10. Last night when we left it had ramped back up to a 9. Now they are alternating between giving him magnesium and depacon through his IV every 6 hours. He had received two treatments by the time we left last night. I haven't spoken with him this morning to see if he is feeling any better. He hasn't been sleeping well, so we found out through some other long time Diamond Headache Clinic-ers to ask for something called the triple shot. I don't know if he got that last night or not, but his doctor did change his sleeping medication, so hopefully he received more rest last night.
Today we start one of his long-term preventative medications Emsam. It is an MAOI in a patch form. Hopefully his skin and body will tolerate it. He will have to be careful about not eating foods with tyramine in them because it can cause a severe reaction with the medication. Please pray for his liver. The doctor told him yesterday morning that his liver enzymes were elevated. We don't know what it is from yet, so they are doing more tests. More than likely it is from a medication he is taking. This is not the first time his liver enzymes have been elevated. We corrected it last time with diet changes. Pray he makes good dietary choices!
Overall he is doing well. Time seems to crawl by in the hospital. There is a patient lounge we hang out in and do puzzles and talk with other patients. Clay's floor is dedicated to just headache patients. It is oddly comforting to meet other people who have gone through and are dealing with the same issues we are. You do not ask these patients whether or not they have headaches... you assume they do and ask what "level" they are at, meaning pain level. It breaks my heart and the Lord has lead me to be more diligent in prayer not only for Clay but for Jeff, Joy, Emily, and a little 14 year-old girl whose name I can not remember. We met Jeff the first day we were at the hospital. He is going on day 12. He is 10 years older than Clay, but they have a lot in common. He is a contractor and hasn't been able to work for 6 months just as Clay has not been able to. His situation is harder than ours in that he has 4 children, no insurance, and has more difficult headaches to control (Chronic Cluster Headaches). Please pray for him and his family. He is so nice and has been reaching out to Clay and us. He shared his deep dish Chicago pizza the first night with Clay since the hospital food is so yummy.
It has been therapeutic for me to be at the hospital and talk with some of these people to see how their families cope. For some patients this is their 2nd or 3rd time to be at the hospital. I am realizing that this whole experience is teaching Clay and I how we will manage his migraines. It might not get rid of them, but hopefully we can manage them better than they have been. It seems as if the doctors will send people home with maintenance plans and when those are not working the patient will come back to the hospital to get the migraine under control again, change the plan and then go home. So we might be looking at a long term relationship with Chicago. Perhaps we will have to purchase a second home! :) ha ha
Ok, I am off to take a taxi cab BY MYSELF to meet a good friend who was in our wedding, and I don't think I've seen her since then, so I am thankful for this opportunity. We are taking her son to wiggle worms, whatever that is. Oh how I wish my days were full of going to wiggle worms, changing diapers, and worrying about what to cook for dinner! Perhaps with this headache clinic all those things will be on the horizon! yikes
sarah
Today we start one of his long-term preventative medications Emsam. It is an MAOI in a patch form. Hopefully his skin and body will tolerate it. He will have to be careful about not eating foods with tyramine in them because it can cause a severe reaction with the medication. Please pray for his liver. The doctor told him yesterday morning that his liver enzymes were elevated. We don't know what it is from yet, so they are doing more tests. More than likely it is from a medication he is taking. This is not the first time his liver enzymes have been elevated. We corrected it last time with diet changes. Pray he makes good dietary choices!
Overall he is doing well. Time seems to crawl by in the hospital. There is a patient lounge we hang out in and do puzzles and talk with other patients. Clay's floor is dedicated to just headache patients. It is oddly comforting to meet other people who have gone through and are dealing with the same issues we are. You do not ask these patients whether or not they have headaches... you assume they do and ask what "level" they are at, meaning pain level. It breaks my heart and the Lord has lead me to be more diligent in prayer not only for Clay but for Jeff, Joy, Emily, and a little 14 year-old girl whose name I can not remember. We met Jeff the first day we were at the hospital. He is going on day 12. He is 10 years older than Clay, but they have a lot in common. He is a contractor and hasn't been able to work for 6 months just as Clay has not been able to. His situation is harder than ours in that he has 4 children, no insurance, and has more difficult headaches to control (Chronic Cluster Headaches). Please pray for him and his family. He is so nice and has been reaching out to Clay and us. He shared his deep dish Chicago pizza the first night with Clay since the hospital food is so yummy.
It has been therapeutic for me to be at the hospital and talk with some of these people to see how their families cope. For some patients this is their 2nd or 3rd time to be at the hospital. I am realizing that this whole experience is teaching Clay and I how we will manage his migraines. It might not get rid of them, but hopefully we can manage them better than they have been. It seems as if the doctors will send people home with maintenance plans and when those are not working the patient will come back to the hospital to get the migraine under control again, change the plan and then go home. So we might be looking at a long term relationship with Chicago. Perhaps we will have to purchase a second home! :) ha ha
Ok, I am off to take a taxi cab BY MYSELF to meet a good friend who was in our wedding, and I don't think I've seen her since then, so I am thankful for this opportunity. We are taking her son to wiggle worms, whatever that is. Oh how I wish my days were full of going to wiggle worms, changing diapers, and worrying about what to cook for dinner! Perhaps with this headache clinic all those things will be on the horizon! yikes
sarah
Friday, February 8, 2008
Hello From Chicago
My flight was cancelled on Wednesday night, so I flew in yesterday morning and met Clay's dad at the airport. Riding in taxi cabs is smelly and awkward, and also something to check off the "never have I ever" list.
His appointment went well. Thank you to those of you praying during it. We were there for a couple hours. Dr. Freitag is very nice, very smart, and will be seeing Clay everyday that we are here. We checked him into St. Joseph's hospital last night around 0630. The floor he is on is a dedicated floor for the Diamond Headache Clinic. So every other patient up there is a headache patient. I kept wanting to ask other patients if their head was hurting RIGHT NOW to see if anyone else up there was like Clay. I didn't because I figured that would be awkward and wouldn't really be helpful anyway.
The first order of business was to draw labs, have vital signs taken, and start an IV. After the nurse missed twice, it took all I had in me not to offer to start one myself. Not my place. :) Clay will be receiving IV meds to try and reduce the severity of his migraine now. Today there are all sorts of educational classes we are going to go to with him. He's going to see a GI specialist, and a specialist to do something for his neck pain. In a few days he'll start a medication that will be administered through a skin patch. It is absorbed better through the body in this form as opposed to taking it in pill form. Please pray that his skin will not be too sensitive for this drug. He has sensitive skin and as soon as the doctor said "you shouldn't have a problem unless you have super sensitive skin" I thought...poop. But maybe it will be ok.
Alright, that is all I know for now. I need to go fix my hair with my new super-style hair straightener; Merry Christmas Sarah. I think we are planning to rent a car...yipee...cause last night I truly almost vomited in one of the cabs because it smelled so bad. Lord have mercy!
sarah
His appointment went well. Thank you to those of you praying during it. We were there for a couple hours. Dr. Freitag is very nice, very smart, and will be seeing Clay everyday that we are here. We checked him into St. Joseph's hospital last night around 0630. The floor he is on is a dedicated floor for the Diamond Headache Clinic. So every other patient up there is a headache patient. I kept wanting to ask other patients if their head was hurting RIGHT NOW to see if anyone else up there was like Clay. I didn't because I figured that would be awkward and wouldn't really be helpful anyway.
The first order of business was to draw labs, have vital signs taken, and start an IV. After the nurse missed twice, it took all I had in me not to offer to start one myself. Not my place. :) Clay will be receiving IV meds to try and reduce the severity of his migraine now. Today there are all sorts of educational classes we are going to go to with him. He's going to see a GI specialist, and a specialist to do something for his neck pain. In a few days he'll start a medication that will be administered through a skin patch. It is absorbed better through the body in this form as opposed to taking it in pill form. Please pray that his skin will not be too sensitive for this drug. He has sensitive skin and as soon as the doctor said "you shouldn't have a problem unless you have super sensitive skin" I thought...poop. But maybe it will be ok.
Alright, that is all I know for now. I need to go fix my hair with my new super-style hair straightener; Merry Christmas Sarah. I think we are planning to rent a car...yipee...cause last night I truly almost vomited in one of the cabs because it smelled so bad. Lord have mercy!
sarah
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Quick Update
In about an hour Clay and his mom are leaving for Chicago. We decided last night after watching the weather forecast that it would be better to play it on the safe side and have them fly out early. A winter storm is supposed to hit Chicago tonight, and we were worried that our flights tomorrow would be delayed or cancelled and thus prevent us from making it to our precious appointment! The appointment is Thrusday at 1:00. I will still fly out tomorrow. I am supposed to work again tonight but am first on the list to get called off if today is not a busy trauma day in Nashville. Pray that I do, so I can pack and get myself ready tonight. Please also pray for Clay. He is in alot of pain this morning and didn't sleep well last night. It seems the pain medicine and all of the medicine to stop the migraine is not doing the job well enough. Pray he can make it two more days until we see the doctor at the clinic. Please pray for wisdom insight and whatever your heart desires for Dr. Frytag (the doc we're going to see). His neurologist here says he is one of the top dudes at the clinic and has been there for 25 years (no, she did not actually say dudes...she is very professional). That makes me happy. I am nervous and a little bit scared. It is quite frustrating to have his pain meds not working the way I'd hoped. I started to feel anger toward God this morning and confessed that I feet like he thwarts every plan we've made and that it seems as if his hand is against us sometimes. I was quickly reminded by the Spirit of the verse somewhere in the Bible that states: "If God is for us, who can be against us." Please God be for us! Ok, I need to finish getting my husband ready to leave.
thank you for your prayers.
sarah
ps. If i had not proof-read this, it would have said twarts instead of thwarts. Twarts sounds funny in my head. I've definitely been awake too long. good night.
thank you for your prayers.
sarah
ps. If i had not proof-read this, it would have said twarts instead of thwarts. Twarts sounds funny in my head. I've definitely been awake too long. good night.
Monday, February 4, 2008
Me Again
Ok so I'm still awake, but I am in laying in bed (is it laying or lying?). I always read from a devotional before I go to sleep. I ABSOLUTELY love the devotional I have now, given to me from a good friend. It is "Jesus Calling: Enjoying Peace in His Presence" by Sarah Young. Today's seems so pertinent to mine and Clay's situation that I just have to share it. She writes as if Jesus is speaking...
"Bring me your weakness, and receive My Peace. Accept yourself and your circumstances just as they are, remembering that I am sovereign over everything. Do not wear yourself out with analyzing and planning. Instead, let thankfulness and trust be your guides through this day; they will keep you close to ME. As you live in the radiance of My Presence, My Peace shines upon you. You will cease to notice how weak or strong you feel, because you will be focusing on Me. The best way to get through this day is step by step with Me. Continue this intimate journey, trusting that the path you are following is headed for heaven." Numbers 6:24-26
I love it.
goodnight...or good-day for you who live in the sunshine. Hopefully I'll be back in your world soon. I got an email from work about maybe switching to the day shift. Yipee!
"Bring me your weakness, and receive My Peace. Accept yourself and your circumstances just as they are, remembering that I am sovereign over everything. Do not wear yourself out with analyzing and planning. Instead, let thankfulness and trust be your guides through this day; they will keep you close to ME. As you live in the radiance of My Presence, My Peace shines upon you. You will cease to notice how weak or strong you feel, because you will be focusing on Me. The best way to get through this day is step by step with Me. Continue this intimate journey, trusting that the path you are following is headed for heaven." Numbers 6:24-26
I love it.
goodnight...or good-day for you who live in the sunshine. Hopefully I'll be back in your world soon. I got an email from work about maybe switching to the day shift. Yipee!
Windy City Here We Come
I have been up all night so this will be short, so I can get maximum sleep time before I go back to work tonight. We received the results from the test, and Clay does NOT have acromegaly. Yes I'm disappointed, but also glad to know that my husband does not have an endocine disorder because that would not be something to be wishful for. I think we were just hoping for a specific answer. So....we are back on the plan to go to Chicago on Wednesday. Please pray for Clay because I know he will be disappointed. He is asleep and doesn't know yet.
I have been receiving much encouragement from the word recently due to some people who have sent me some specific verses, so thank you to those people. The Lord has been very alive to me for the past 24 hours. 1 Peter has proved to be very comforting, so have many passages from Isaiah.
Clay has an appointment with his neurologist today at 1:00. I'll try and post before I go to work tonight to let ya'll know what she says regarding him not having acromegaly.
sarah
I have been receiving much encouragement from the word recently due to some people who have sent me some specific verses, so thank you to those people. The Lord has been very alive to me for the past 24 hours. 1 Peter has proved to be very comforting, so have many passages from Isaiah.
Clay has an appointment with his neurologist today at 1:00. I'll try and post before I go to work tonight to let ya'll know what she says regarding him not having acromegaly.
sarah
Friday, February 1, 2008
A day from H.E. double hockey sticks
Somedays you believe that life can not possibly get harder or more harrowing than it already is...and then it does. Somedays you believe you cannot possibly give more than you already have...and then you do. Somedays you believe that God cannot possibly let you sink any further into the pit of mire before he rescues you...and then he does. So what do you do when life gets harder? What do you do when feel you have nothing left to give? What do you believe when you feel like you are just a hand's reach too far away to hold onto God? You jump a little higher and grab on. You give the nothing you have because even that is something. You trust when God said "this too shall pass",that even THIS TOO SHALL PASS. You have hope. You trust that the God of the universe can bring good out of any situation, even your very own. You trust that God is there because He says He is even though you can't feel, see, hear, taste, smell, or even sense Him. You pray to God that he HEARS you, and that he hears your prayers even when they seem to float into the air, slam into the ceiling, and fall right back down on the floor into a puddle of prayer goo. Sometimes I'd like to get a little postcard in the mail that lets me know a prayer has been received into heaven even if there is no answer yet. It might perhaps say "Dear Sarah, We are currently receiving a high number of prayers. Yours requests have been made known to us. An angel will be sent out shortly to assess your situation. Thank you for continuing your patronage." You receive the postcard and you think "good, a little validation."
02.01.08 0715 am
Got off work. Walked to the Eskind Center at Vanderbilt to meet Clay for his definitive blood test to rule out acromegaly.
0830 am
Sat in a room while he drank orange glucola and had a series of blood drawn over 2 and a half hours.
0845 am
Called Dr. Brandes's (his neurologist) office to ask what to do. "My husband continues to be in severe pain with no relief, not sleeping, not doing well. Treatments and options are being pursued, but I NEED something to hold him over until we have a definitive plan. " Office Nurse: "Let me speak to the NP, and call you back".
0900 am
ring ring... Office Nurse: "NP says we do not have the IV drugs you might be needing." Me: "do I take him to the ER or do I need to find a different doctor?" Office Nurse: "don't know". Clay: in agony
1100 am
tried to speak with the endocrinologist at the office where the blood was being drawn. Dr. said that we needed to go to the neurologist for help with pain medicine. another dead end. Clay still in intense pain. I am livid, frustrated, and running on pure adrenaline and caffiene.
1130 am
Testing is over. No help yet for Clay. Phone call to his primary care physician. Spoke with the nurse, explained situation...husband in pain...cannot go on another minute without relief. Nurse Will speak to Dr. and call back. FORGET IT! Load Clay in oversized truck. Drive to Primary Care Doctor's office at Baptist. Dr. is a saint. Speaks to us and encourages us to go to Dr. Brandes's office, which is in Baptist Hospital.
1200 pm
Clay has to sit and eat something...feeling nauseated and in too much pain. Eat a quick lunch. Call Clay's mom. "We need you, come to Dr. Brandes's office." Sleep deprived, angry wife is about to take prisoners....need back up.
1230 pm
Arrive at office. Dr. Brandes is not in office, but has called. "Get Clay in." Wait to see the nurse practitioner. Feeling anxious and operating off no sleep. No sleep factor starting to kick in.
0130 pm
Ushered into a room. NP arrives. Apologies for earlier mix up and poor communication when we called at 0845.
0200 pm
Clay receives IV medication and is able to fall asleep. Sleeps in doctor's office for an hour. Prescriptions for medication to make it through the weekend are received until a follow up visit on Monday.
0330 pm
Clay is escorted from neurologists office in a wheelchair. Headache level has dropped from an excruciating 10 to a 7.
0400 pm
Drive back to Vanderbilt to fill prescriptions and call in sick for work, for which I am supposed to be at in 2 and a half hours. I am still wearing my same scrubs from the previous night. Trauma Unit nurses and management...awesome...very understanding.
The Lord is good.
0530 pm
Receive much needed and extremely difficult to obtain pain medications and other injections to take home and give Clay on a schedule to hopefully abort the migraine or at least continue to relieve intensity.
0545 pm
Arrive at home. Been gone for over 24 hours. Mission accomplished. I finally have pain mediction. I finally have something to give my husband to temporarily relieve his pain when he tells me it is so unbearable that he cannot take it anymore. I do not feel completely helpless anymore....at least for a few days until the narcotics wear off.
0600pm
Day from Hell officially over. Broke down and sobbed. Apparently I am indeed still human. Mom here to comfort. Praise God.
0730pm
Cadillac Margarita at La Paz with my mom. Thank God for moms.
02/02/2008 0130
woke up unsettled. Clay awake and needing pain medicine. tended to my husband. needed to blog. needed to read the Word and strengthen my weak soul with His everlasting strength and love.
We find out monday the results of Clay's test from earlier today, well yesterday now at this point. If the results are positive then we are looking at a possible surgery. If they are negative we pack for Chicago and fly out wednesday. "This too shall pass."
Amen Lord
02.01.08 0715 am
Got off work. Walked to the Eskind Center at Vanderbilt to meet Clay for his definitive blood test to rule out acromegaly.
0830 am
Sat in a room while he drank orange glucola and had a series of blood drawn over 2 and a half hours.
0845 am
Called Dr. Brandes's (his neurologist) office to ask what to do. "My husband continues to be in severe pain with no relief, not sleeping, not doing well. Treatments and options are being pursued, but I NEED something to hold him over until we have a definitive plan. " Office Nurse: "Let me speak to the NP, and call you back".
0900 am
ring ring... Office Nurse: "NP says we do not have the IV drugs you might be needing." Me: "do I take him to the ER or do I need to find a different doctor?" Office Nurse: "don't know". Clay: in agony
1100 am
tried to speak with the endocrinologist at the office where the blood was being drawn. Dr. said that we needed to go to the neurologist for help with pain medicine. another dead end. Clay still in intense pain. I am livid, frustrated, and running on pure adrenaline and caffiene.
1130 am
Testing is over. No help yet for Clay. Phone call to his primary care physician. Spoke with the nurse, explained situation...husband in pain...cannot go on another minute without relief. Nurse Will speak to Dr. and call back. FORGET IT! Load Clay in oversized truck. Drive to Primary Care Doctor's office at Baptist. Dr. is a saint. Speaks to us and encourages us to go to Dr. Brandes's office, which is in Baptist Hospital.
1200 pm
Clay has to sit and eat something...feeling nauseated and in too much pain. Eat a quick lunch. Call Clay's mom. "We need you, come to Dr. Brandes's office." Sleep deprived, angry wife is about to take prisoners....need back up.
1230 pm
Arrive at office. Dr. Brandes is not in office, but has called. "Get Clay in." Wait to see the nurse practitioner. Feeling anxious and operating off no sleep. No sleep factor starting to kick in.
0130 pm
Ushered into a room. NP arrives. Apologies for earlier mix up and poor communication when we called at 0845.
0200 pm
Clay receives IV medication and is able to fall asleep. Sleeps in doctor's office for an hour. Prescriptions for medication to make it through the weekend are received until a follow up visit on Monday.
0330 pm
Clay is escorted from neurologists office in a wheelchair. Headache level has dropped from an excruciating 10 to a 7.
0400 pm
Drive back to Vanderbilt to fill prescriptions and call in sick for work, for which I am supposed to be at in 2 and a half hours. I am still wearing my same scrubs from the previous night. Trauma Unit nurses and management...awesome...very understanding.
The Lord is good.
0530 pm
Receive much needed and extremely difficult to obtain pain medications and other injections to take home and give Clay on a schedule to hopefully abort the migraine or at least continue to relieve intensity.
0545 pm
Arrive at home. Been gone for over 24 hours. Mission accomplished. I finally have pain mediction. I finally have something to give my husband to temporarily relieve his pain when he tells me it is so unbearable that he cannot take it anymore. I do not feel completely helpless anymore....at least for a few days until the narcotics wear off.
0600pm
Day from Hell officially over. Broke down and sobbed. Apparently I am indeed still human. Mom here to comfort. Praise God.
0730pm
Cadillac Margarita at La Paz with my mom. Thank God for moms.
02/02/2008 0130
woke up unsettled. Clay awake and needing pain medicine. tended to my husband. needed to blog. needed to read the Word and strengthen my weak soul with His everlasting strength and love.
We find out monday the results of Clay's test from earlier today, well yesterday now at this point. If the results are positive then we are looking at a possible surgery. If they are negative we pack for Chicago and fly out wednesday. "This too shall pass."
Amen Lord
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