A day from H.E. double hockey sticks

Somedays you believe that life can not possibly get harder or more harrowing than it already is...and then it does. Somedays you believe you cannot possibly give more than you already have...and then you do. Somedays you believe that God cannot possibly let you sink any further into the pit of mire before he rescues you...and then he does. So what do you do when life gets harder? What do you do when feel you have nothing left to give? What do you believe when you feel like you are just a hand's reach too far away to hold onto God? You jump a little higher and grab on. You give the nothing you have because even that is something. You trust when God said "this too shall pass",that even THIS TOO SHALL PASS. You have hope. You trust that the God of the universe can bring good out of any situation, even your very own. You trust that God is there because He says He is even though you can't feel, see, hear, taste, smell, or even sense Him. You pray to God that he HEARS you, and that he hears your prayers even when they seem to float into the air, slam into the ceiling, and fall right back down on the floor into a puddle of prayer goo. Sometimes I'd like to get a little postcard in the mail that lets me know a prayer has been received into heaven even if there is no answer yet. It might perhaps say "Dear Sarah, We are currently receiving a high number of prayers. Yours requests have been made known to us. An angel will be sent out shortly to assess your situation. Thank you for continuing your patronage." You receive the postcard and you think "good, a little validation."

02.01.08 0715 am
Got off work. Walked to the Eskind Center at Vanderbilt to meet Clay for his definitive blood test to rule out acromegaly.

0830 am
Sat in a room while he drank orange glucola and had a series of blood drawn over 2 and a half hours.

0845 am
Called Dr. Brandes's (his neurologist) office to ask what to do. "My husband continues to be in severe pain with no relief, not sleeping, not doing well. Treatments and options are being pursued, but I NEED something to hold him over until we have a definitive plan. " Office Nurse: "Let me speak to the NP, and call you back".

0900 am
ring ring... Office Nurse: "NP says we do not have the IV drugs you might be needing." Me: "do I take him to the ER or do I need to find a different doctor?" Office Nurse: "don't know". Clay: in agony

1100 am
tried to speak with the endocrinologist at the office where the blood was being drawn. Dr. said that we needed to go to the neurologist for help with pain medicine. another dead end. Clay still in intense pain. I am livid, frustrated, and running on pure adrenaline and caffiene.

1130 am
Testing is over. No help yet for Clay. Phone call to his primary care physician. Spoke with the nurse, explained situation...husband in pain...cannot go on another minute without relief. Nurse Will speak to Dr. and call back. FORGET IT! Load Clay in oversized truck. Drive to Primary Care Doctor's office at Baptist. Dr. is a saint. Speaks to us and encourages us to go to Dr. Brandes's office, which is in Baptist Hospital.

1200 pm
Clay has to sit and eat something...feeling nauseated and in too much pain. Eat a quick lunch. Call Clay's mom. "We need you, come to Dr. Brandes's office." Sleep deprived, angry wife is about to take prisoners....need back up.
1230 pm
Arrive at office. Dr. Brandes is not in office, but has called. "Get Clay in." Wait to see the nurse practitioner. Feeling anxious and operating off no sleep. No sleep factor starting to kick in.
0130 pm
Ushered into a room. NP arrives. Apologies for earlier mix up and poor communication when we called at 0845.
0200 pm
Clay receives IV medication and is able to fall asleep. Sleeps in doctor's office for an hour. Prescriptions for medication to make it through the weekend are received until a follow up visit on Monday.
0330 pm
Clay is escorted from neurologists office in a wheelchair. Headache level has dropped from an excruciating 10 to a 7.
0400 pm
Drive back to Vanderbilt to fill prescriptions and call in sick for work, for which I am supposed to be at in 2 and a half hours. I am still wearing my same scrubs from the previous night. Trauma Unit nurses and management...awesome...very understanding.
The Lord is good.
0530 pm
Receive much needed and extremely difficult to obtain pain medications and other injections to take home and give Clay on a schedule to hopefully abort the migraine or at least continue to relieve intensity.
0545 pm
Arrive at home. Been gone for over 24 hours. Mission accomplished. I finally have pain mediction. I finally have something to give my husband to temporarily relieve his pain when he tells me it is so unbearable that he cannot take it anymore. I do not feel completely helpless anymore....at least for a few days until the narcotics wear off.
0600pm
Day from Hell officially over. Broke down and sobbed. Apparently I am indeed still human. Mom here to comfort. Praise God.
0730pm
Cadillac Margarita at La Paz with my mom. Thank God for moms.
02/02/2008 0130
woke up unsettled. Clay awake and needing pain medicine. tended to my husband. needed to blog. needed to read the Word and strengthen my weak soul with His everlasting strength and love.

We find out monday the results of Clay's test from earlier today, well yesterday now at this point. If the results are positive then we are looking at a possible surgery. If they are negative we pack for Chicago and fly out wednesday. "This too shall pass."

Amen Lord