I thought I'd give an update since my last blog depicted a flustered and frustrated persona. We are doing well. Although he is not completely free of pain, it is still at a diminished level, and we are happy and grateful to be in this place. We have had so much fun together this past week. Being able to go out to dinner, watch a movie, or just clown around together has brought me such joy. When you don't have the ability to do anything together, you really appreciate the small things when they are given to you.
Clay has been able to get off the recliner and start living his life! yea! And we hope it stays that way. It has been fun for me to see him up and about happy and carefree. Many people have commented that he looks taller and I believe it's because he stands with more confidence. We walked, yes walked!, to the mall the other night and went out to dinner for the first time in a LONG time. Just to be able to walk somewhere with my husband is so much fun; I can't even describe it well. We did yoga together this week, cleaned the house together (Clay's favorite), and were able to get out and go hang out with friends. I am beyond thankful.
I am now learning through this process that I have a problem with contentment, or lack of it. For so long I thought that if only Clay would get better then I could relax and just enjoy life. Well now he is better and I can feel my heart gearing up to long for and anticipate the next step. I am realizing that even in the darkest of nights there is contentment to be found, and it is not in the expectation of the outcome. The contentment is found in simply being in the Lord, resting in Him and his promises. So I am working further on letting go. Everyday I let go of the fear that Clay will wake up with a headache, and refocus on the Lord. Everyday I let go of the fear that something new and harder will happen. It seems that almost every hour I have to remind myself of Jesus' words "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" I can chose to cower before life ahead of me in fear and worry, or I can surrender to the sovereignty of God. Most of my life is played out through petty fears. Today I chose to surrender, to let go of the things I can not control. Why is this such a hard task?!
If anything, I feel I have a new perspective in regards to the fragility and frailty of life. There are no guarantees for Jesus also said "in this life you will have trouble, but take heart I have overcome the world." I suppose I am taking heart at the moment because I feel as if Jesus has shown us through this experience a small picture of what he is continually accomplishing in the big picture of the world, as he makes all things new. Perhaps I am never content here because I am always longing for heaven.
ok, enough of my philosophical wondering. Good news is that I believe I will be able to move to the day shift by the week of May 16th!! WOO HOO!!! I'm so happy to be awake during the day!!!
sarah
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