Courage of the Saints

I have been reading other people's blogs recently who are going through great challenges (mainly medical) as we are and am overwhelmed to find such steadfast faith in many of them. I wonder if they always feel confident in the Lord or perhaps they only write in their blogs on good days? I on the other hand feel like I have mini freak outs quite frequently. Of course they are always on the inside because surely I would be arrested if they were to manifest themselves outwardly! Never fear those of you who are psychologically savvy, I am in counseling where I am learning how to appropriately "deal" with my emotions. I simply say all of this to confess that I am human and even though I trust the word of God, I still struggle within it. In this I know I am not alone.
I found myself thinking of David today when he exclaimed "Why are you downcast O my soul?" because he knew he had the God of the universe on his side, yet he still struggled with feeling down and out. Good things are beginning to happen to us, but I think the weight of the struggle it has been for the past couple of years is starting to finally come crashing down on me. I am grateful beyond words that my loving mother in law will be coming in town this weekend for emotional and physical support. Clay has an appointment on tuesday the 22nd, and the three of us plus his dad via conference call will meet with his doctor and discuss our hopes and plans for a more aggressive approach to his migraines. When I say migraines I really mean migraine for it never goes away upon waking or sleeping. It is always with us like an old friend you really wish would never come to visit.
Our plan is to discuss possibly coming off (praise God) some of Clay's many medications. I mentioned in an earlier blog that he takes over 30 pills a day. He has many adverse side effects such as extreme sedation that are then fought with more drugs. It seems to be a vicious cycle that really isn't going anywhere. It makes more sense to us at this point to come off the drugs because his head is going to hurt regardless. I'd ask for prayers if he does come off of them because some of them will have side effects as his body goes through withdrawal. We also are gearing up more to visit the Diamond Headache Clinic. Clay's parents have done some wonderful research and praise the Lord we believe that insurance will cover it. Pray that I will be able to get off from work and so will his dad so we can go up for an evaluation soon. We know this will not be a magic cure and that there is still a long road ahead, but it does give us a glimpse of hope. I'll take all I can get at this point.
Please pray also that I can find someone to work for me this Sunday and Monday night so I can be awake and alert while Clay's mom is here and for the appointment on Tuesday. This night shift thing is really proving to be more of a bummer than I expected. Too many people go out at night, drive their cars, and get in wrecks...thus providing a job for me. STAY INSIDE AT NIGHT PEOPLE, YOUR WARM BEDS ARE MUCH MORE COMFY THAN THE TRAUMA UNIT!! :)
Many thanks to those of you who have sent me emails letting me know you have read my blog and are praying. It is encouraging to have your love and support. Here are the websites for the other people's blogs I have been reading. I warn you...they are sad, but the strength of these courageous saints might bring you hope in your own struggles.

www.cfhusband.blogspot.com

www.conorbootheandgirls.blotspot.com

www.prayforjoseph.blogspot.com

And now I will go lay down for a power nap because I have been awake since 0700 am and must go in to work tonight. Thank God for caffeine!

sarah